I am a dreamer. This might come as a surprise to those who tend to see me as the materialization of logic and sense but it is true. Ever since I was a child I spent most of my time alone, day-dreaming. I suppose that is natural at that age, to have your imaginary friends, to think of where you would like to be, with whom, doing what. To create your own reality and take a leap inside it, losing yourself in your multiple realistic fantasies without even having to wake up from them and shake your head off wishing they were real. Imagination I guess it is called, and why, oh why do we start losing it by growing old? Or do we start growing old when we lose it? Either way, I wouldn’t know.
I am still the same day-dreaming child that I used to be, slightly but substantially altered. I still waste the majority of my time alone – and nowadays not only my time alone – thinking of endless possibilities, imaginary situations, fabricated conversations, and potential outcomes. The big difference however with my childhood imaginary endeavours is that now, being a grown up and all, I get the delusion that I can also realize those fantasies. On those grounds they start feeding my mind and creating challenges, the main source of entertainment in my daily life. And entertainment, I need it, it keeps me going.
You know how most say “don’t let your dreams be dreams”, “get out there and realize and materialize anything that comes to your head”, “if you can think it then you can do it” kind of things? Well, what if you don’t want to? Or rather, what if you want to but you know that chances are, when you in fact reach the unreachable, when it falls within your orbit and you do not need to extend yourself anymore to attract it with your gravity, when it finally becomes your own, then it’s too easy. Then you lose interest. Then you don’t want it anymore. A reverse Catch-22 perhaps?
Tennyson once wrote “Dreams are true while they last.” I wonder, is there a worse curse for a dreamer than to fear his dreams being slaughtered when they become a reality?